While about 97% of the time I'm the most practical person you will ever meet, there is always a small part of me that believes in almost magical things. My childhood was spent mostly in the fantasy land of my brain, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I still believe in magic and deeper meanings in everyday occurrences. One thing I take seriously are my dreams. Especially when they are vivid and stick with me. I've already written in this blog about a strange dream I had recently. Well, last night I had another.
I dreamt that I was in a bar. A lonely, quiet bar with plush red velvet seats. I was the only person there other than the bartender, who was friendly. I knew, in the dream, that the bartender and I were friends, but only in the context of the bar. I remember sitting in one of the velvet seats, drinking whatever concoction the friendly bar tender had made for me. I also remember being incredibly depressed. Almost hopeless. The bartender was asking me what was wrong. And I told him how unhappy I was with my job, and I wasn't sure if things were ever going to get better. I'm assuming, from what happened next in my dream, that before being at the bar I was given the opportunity to go back to school. While at the bar, the bartender was trying to cheer me up with that news. He asked me what I was going to study when I went back to school. I told him I wasn't sure, and then I thought about it for awhile. Then I told him that I was going to go back and study to be a teacher. In my dream, the idea of doing this was very exciting and lifted my mood.
I remembered this dream in a rush as I was driving to work today, feeling down and a bit hopeless. Do I love my job? No. Do I think I will someday love my job? I can't honestly say yes or no. Do I think I would be happier doing something else? Maybe. It's been almost six years since I decided to go to law school. In 2007 I took the LSAT. I started my first year in 2008. I graduated in 2011 and took the bar exam that summer. I was sworn in in December 2011. I got my current job May 2012. And here we are. It's been a long road. And maybe I had blinders on during the process. Maybe I was just so focused on getting to this point, that I never considered if I wanted to get to this point.
Though, in the spirit of magical thinking and deeper meanings in every day occurrences, I have to trust that I am here for a reason. It's just that I haven't quite found my place in this world. At least not just quite yet.
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